The Greatest 1980s Movie Quotes

Whilst 1980s cinema was seemingly dominated by action heroes and comic actors (Bill Murray, Chevy Chase, Eddie Murphy, Steve Martin et al) who generally tended to transform projects by dint of their improvisatory skills, there were enough gifted writers around (Woody Allen, Oliver Stone, Bruce Robinson, John Carpenter, John Hughes, the Coen brothers etc.) to generate memorable, crafted lines too.

And the proliferation of comedies, horror movies and smart teen movies made for good zingers. But what makes a memorable movie quote? We present for your dubious pleasure a selection of 1980s lines and mini soliloquies that seem to hold up; some have become part of modern culture, some always provide a laugh or chill however many times one has seen the films, some are just plain weird and wonderful, and a few were probably improvised.

‘Heineken? F*ck that sh*t! Pabst Blue Ribbon!’ Blue Velvet (1986)

‘Let’s f*ck! I’ll f*ck anything that moves!’ Blue Velvet

‘Why are there people like Frank? Why is there so much trouble in this world?’ Blue Velvet

‘Better to be king for a night than schmuck for a lifetime.’ The King Of Comedy (1982)

‘I bet you’re the kind of guy that would f*ck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around.’ Full Metal Jacket (1987)

‘I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass, and I’m all out of bubblegum.’ They Live (1988)

‘Can I get ya anything? Coffee? Tea? Me?’ Working Girl (1988)

‘I have a head for business and a bod for sin.’ Working Girl

‘I am serious, and don’t call me Shirley.’ Airplane (1980)

‘What a pisser.’ Airplane (1980)

‘Into the mud, scum queen!’ The Man With Two Brains (1983)

‘You touch me, he dies. If you’re not in the air in thirty seconds, he dies. You come back in, he dies.’ Escape From New York (1981)

‘Beware the moon, lads.’ American Werewolf In London (1981)

‘We’re living in a shop. The world is one magnificent f*cking shop. And if it hasn’t got a price tag, it isn’t worth having.’ How To Get Ahead In Advertising (1989)

‘I tried to stand up and fly straight, but it wasn’t easy with that sumbitch Reagan in the White House. I dunno. They say he’s a decent man, so maybe his advisors are confused.’ Raising Arizona (1987)

‘Be the ball.’ Caddyshack (1980)

‘I’m a veg, Danny…’ Caddyshack

‘This is a cross of Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent and Northern California Sensemilia. The amazing stuff about this is, you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night.’ Caddyshack

‘The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue Of Liberty.’ Crimes And Misdemeanours (1989)

‘Showbusiness is not so much dog-eat-dog, it’s more dog doesn’t return dog’s calls.’ Crimes And Misdemeanours

‘For all my education, accomplishments, and so-called wisdom, I can’t fathom my own heart.’ Hannah And Her Sisters (1986)

‘If you build it, he will come.’ Field Of Dreams (1989)

‘It’s the best joke of all – a joke on the children…’ Halloween III (1983)

‘Get out…now!’ Halloween II (1981)

‘Listen, lady. If you don’t give Big Ed some air, he’s gonna piss…all over your half of my body.’ All Of Me (1983)

‘You can start by wiping that f*cking dumb-ass smile off your rosy f*cking cheeks. Then you can give me a f*cking automobile. A f*cking Datsun. A f*cking Toyota. A f*cking Mustang. A f*cking Buick! Four f*cking wheels and a seat.’ Planes Trains And Automobiles (1987)

‘I mean to have you even if it must be burglary.’ Withnail & I (1987)

‘My thumbs have gone weird.’ Withnail & I

‘We want the finest wines available to humanity, we want them here and we want them now!’ Withnail & I (1987)

‘Monty, you terrible c**t!’ Withnail & I

‘Flash, I love you, but we only have 14 hours to save the Earth!’ Flash Gordon (1980)

‘Get ready for greatness.’ Say Anything (1989)

‘She’s a brain trapped in the body of a game-show hostess.’ Say Anything

‘I’m incarcerated, Lloyd!’ Say Anything

‘I gave her my heart. She gave me a pen.’ Say Anything

‘Can I borrow your towel for a sec? My car just hit a water buffalo.’ Fletch (1985)

‘When you grow up, your heart dies.’ The Breakfast Club (1985)

‘I wanna be just like you. I figure all I need’s a lobotomy and some tights.’ The Breakfast Club

‘You’re a parent’s wet dream – neo-maxi-zoom-dweebie…’ The Breakfast Club

‘May I admire you again later today?’ Pretty In Pink (1986)

‘She thinks you’re sh*t, and deep down you know she’s right.’ Pretty In Pink

‘This is an incredibly romantic moment and you’re ruining it for me.’ Pretty In Pink

‘I did not achieve this position in life by having some snot-nosed punk leave my cheese out in the wind.’ Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986)

‘I’m obsessed, thank you very much.’ St Elmo’s Fire (1985)

‘No Springsteen is leaving this house!’ St Elmo’s Fire

‘How much more black can it be? The answer is…none.’ This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

‘What’s wrong with being sexy?’ This Is Spinal Tap

‘Hope you like our new direction.’ This Is Spinal Tap

‘I’m not gonna be ignored, Dan.’ Fatal Attraction (1987)

‘I love my dead gay son.’ Heathers (1989)

‘Be afraid. Be very afraid.’ The Fly (1986)

‘I’ll have what she’s having.’ When Harry Met Sally (1989)

‘It’s a good scream…’ Blow Out (1981)

‘Where we’re going, we don’t need roads…’ Back To The Future (1985)

‘Seize the day. Make your lives extraordinary.’ Dead Poets Society (1989)

‘They’re here.’ Poltergeist (1982)

‘Listen, and understand! That Terminator is out there! It can’t be bargained with. It can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop… ever! Until you are dead!’ The Terminator (1984)

‘Gentlemen! Let’s broaden our minds. Lawrence?’ Batman (1989)

‘I’m of a mind to make some mookie.’ Batman

‘I…corrected them, sir.’ The Shining (1980)

‘Little pigs! Little pigs! Let me come in!’ The Shining

‘Why don’t we just… wait here for a little while. See what happens.’ The Thing (1981)

‘There’s no fog bank out there… There’s no fog bank out there… Hey, there’s a fog bank out there.’ The Fog (1980)

‘Get inside and lock your doors. Close your windows. There’s something in the fog!’ The Fog

‘Say goodnight to the bad guy…’ Scarface (1983)

The Cult Movie Club: 17 Things I Didn’t Know About ‘Caddyshack’

‘Caddyshack’, the cult comedy released 40 years ago this month, has been a favourite since I accidentally came across it on TV sometime in the late 1980s.

It now seems an almost forgotten and/or strangely ‘forbidden’ movie despite some cult status amongst golfers and hardcore fans of National Lampoon and ‘Saturday Night Live.’

With a corking cast of Rodney Dangerfield, Chevy Chase, Bill Murray, Ted Knight and Cindy Morgan, its basic pitch is ‘”Animal House” at a country club’, but for me it’s a funnier movie than John Landis’s 1978 hit.

It’s chaotic, unhinged, poorly structured, hard to follow, mostly improvised and won’t win any woke awards, but many scenes still make me chuckle like a teenager. In particular, Chase and Murray’s monologues and druggy non-sequiturs.

Directed by Harold Ramis (‘Groundhog Day’) and shot at Rolling Hills Country Club (now Grand Oaks) in Florida during September and October 1979 , ‘Caddyshack’ is ostensibly a coming-of-age story concerning amateur caddy Danny Noonan (Michael O’Keefe).

On release, the critical reception was unsurprisingly poor but it did pretty good business ($40 million against a $6 million budget), if proving a bit too weird for any kind of ‘Animal House’ action.

But, like most Hollywood movies of the era, there are a myriad of ‘what ifs’ and surprising revelations around its making. Here are just a few:

17. The bishop struck by lightning after shouting ‘Rat farts!’ (Henry Wilcoxon) was a silent-movie star back in the 1920s, working in several Cecil B DeMille films.

16. ‘Caddyshack’ was Rodney Dangerfield’s movie debut.

15. Bill Murray (Carl Spackler) was the last actor to be cast, and his totally unscripted role was initially only supposed to be a cameo.

14. Ted Knight (Judge Smails) was an Emmy-winning star of the legendary ‘Mary Tyler Moore Show’ TV show in the 1970s.

13. Bill Murray and Chevy Chase (Ty Webb) were sworn enemies during the shoot due to some bad-mouthing in the press after Chevy had left ‘Saturday Night Live’. Their famous improvised scene was a last-minute addition after the studio insisted they appear on screen together.

12. Cinematographer Stevan Larner had previously worked on Terrence Malick’s ‘Badlands’.

11. Recently-departed, legendary composer/arranger Johnny Mandel (‘Theme From M*A*S*H’, Steely Dan’s ‘FM’) wrote the incidental music for the movie.

10. Mickey Rourke was first choice for the Danny Noonan role but turned the producers down at the final hour.

9. ‘Caddyshack’ was Harold Ramis’s directorial debut.

8. Co-writer and National Lampoon legend Doug Kenney died in strange circumstances soon after the film was released.

7. The pitch (‘Animal House’ in a country club) was given the green light by Orion studio bosses before they had seen any kind of story outline or screenplay.

6. The co-writers’ original idea was to make the film all about the teenage caddies (maybe that would have made for better box office… Ed.)

5. Cindy Morgan (Lacey Underall) was a DJ in Chicago before becoming an actress.

4. Bill Murray was actually a greenskeeper as a young man, and his elder brother Ed was a champion caddie.

3. Danny Noonan’s large Irish-Catholic family was based on the Murray family.

2. The whole cast stayed in the same hotel throughout the shoot – and partied heartily.

1. Bill Murray’s shenanigans with the gophers was a last-minute idea – initially there had only been one scene with a fake gopher (the one where Rodney Dangerfield shouts ‘Hey, that kangaroo just stole my ball!’).

Ladies And Gentlemen, It’s Max…Headroom!

388px-Mhcom_max_headroom_guidetolife_frontYep, it’s M-M-M-M-Max, scourge of celebrities everywhere and purveyor of surreal one-liners, bizarre stream-of-consciousness meanderings and often-quite-obscure music videos.

Max was created in 1985 by Annabel Jankel (sister of Ian Dury-collaborator Chaz), Rocky Morton and George Stone as rather eccentric, attention-grabbing ‘talking head’ to present videos on the burgeoning Channel Four.

Brilliantly played by Matt Frewer, who apparently had to endure over four hours in the make-up chair before each day of filming, Max was born in a one-off drama shown on Channel Four in 1985.

He then returned to front two series of ‘The Max Headroom Show’ in 1985 and 1986. The show then moved to the US for two series shown in ’87 and ’88.

People probably either loved or hated Max but I was an immediate fan. I even bought the book. Large swathes of his monologues are indelibly etched on my memory. Even today, I can’t hear the words ‘Sebastian Coe’ without thinking of Max’s unique delivery.

I also discovered some good music and vids on his shows too, including Peter Gabriel’s live version of ‘I Don’t Remember’, The Redskins’ ‘Bring It Down’, Donald Fagen’s amazing ‘New Frontier’ vid (directed by Jankel and Morton) and Sid Vicious’s terrifying ‘My Way’ (how did that get onto pre-watershed TV?).

Most of the press attention was aimed at the state-of-the-art computer graphics, the incredible make-up job and bizarre speech patterns. But, apart from the music vids, what immediately hooked me was his smarmy, gleeful piss-taking. He was kind of a mixture of Fletch and Johnny Rotten. There was also a touch of Dan Aykroyd/Chevy Chase’s smarmy Weekend Update newsreaders on ‘Saturday Night Live’.

Though the show had three regular writers – David Hanson, Tim John and Paul Owen – Frewer apparently improvised a large part of Max’s ramblings. I always assumed Max’s ‘cool guy’ persona was coming from Steve Martin but Frewer claims that he based Max’s shtick on Ted Knight’s hilariously hammy portrayal of Ted Baxter in ‘The Mary Tyler Moore Show’.

Possibly the sections of the show which have the most relevance now are Max’s interviews with stars like Sting (see below), Boy George and David Byrne. Years before Dennis Pennis, he was hilariously detached, if not downright dismissive of their celebrity status. I loved the way he ridiculed Sting’s new ‘jazz’ direction.

Later on, the tables were turned as Max found himself being interviewed on primetime chat shows by David Letterman and Terry Wogan. He calls Letterman ‘Davey-doo’ throughout and seems to be slowly driving him to distraction.

I had a few episodes on video for many years but chucked them out a while ago – a big mistake, as there’s still no sign of a UK DVD. Long live Max!