Gig Review: Thomas Dolby/Martin McAloon @ Shepherd’s Bush Empire, 21 May 2026

As gig introductions go, it was one of the best: ‘For those who’ve never seen me live before, I’m Martin McAloon from Deacon Blue.’

Of course Martin is the brother of fellow Prefab Sprouter Paddy McAloon, and for the past five years or so he’s been playing his bro’s fantastic compositions as a solo act.

And this was a potentially exciting double bill with Thomas Dolby, Prefab producer and a fine composer/musician in his own right.

Martin’s opening gambit was the first in a long line of zingers, but he’s also an obviously excellent guitarist, firing off Paddy’s not-at-all simple chords with ease. He managed to find ways of including all the tricky stuff: ‘Faron Young’ came complete with that wacky ascending outro, while the melody of ‘Appetite’ was outlined with some nice Wes-style octaves.

On ‘Goodbye Lucille #1 (Johnny Johnny)’ he even found a way of combining the guitar melody, chords and bassline simultaneously. Meanwhile ‘Looking For Atlantis’ was a very fast shuffle ‘in the style of Elvis, with a bar of 5/4 added for all you jazzers’.

His rather ramshackle presentation is definitely part of his charm (‘I forgot my setlist, but remembered to back it up on my iPhone, but I also forgot my glasses so I can’t read it’) and it was pleasing to hear the Steve McQueen material the way Thomas Dolby may have heard it in Paddy’s bedroom all those years ago.

‘Moving The River’ was indeed moving and the fun closer ‘King Of Rock’n’Roll’ managed to incorporate ‘The Reflex’, ‘Get It On’, ‘Yellow’ and ‘It’s Only Rock’n’Roll’.

But was it good music? For this writer, the jury is still out. It’s unlikely Paddy’s songs (often taken too fast) are going to wither on the vine anytime soon. And there’s no getting away from the rather utilitarian nature of Martin’s voice – the more tender Paddy material particularly suffered.

And sometimes you yearn for a bit more colour from his guitar tones and rhythms – a gentle bossa-nova-style strum seems to be the default for the 4/4 material, with a somewhat unforgiving, bright, dry Les Paul tone. But it’s definitely worth seeing Martin live for the banter and ’80s stories.

Dolby’s set was advertised as a ‘my personal recollections of the 1980s’ with a full live band promised – somewhat of a misnomer, as it turned out. He emerged onto the stage alone, greeting the audience very quietly before settling behind his bank of synths and playing a solo rendition of ‘The Flat Earth’ complete with tinnitus-inducing TR-808, some Martin Luther King Jr. spoken words and too loud vocals – though Dolby’s voice has got richer with age.

He revealed he was born less than a mile from Shepherd’s Bush, making this his home gig, but the ‘80s vibe was blown by his second track, 2011’s underwhelming ‘Evil Twin Brother’, though it segued neatly into Sting’s ‘Bring On The Night’ with which it shares a chord sequence.

photo by Adrian Sartain

Dolby then crowbarred Gary Numan’s ‘Cars’ into ‘One Of Our Submarines’, and he paid tribute to David Bowie with a somewhat ponderous take on ‘Heroes’ complete with back projection of his personal photos taken during Live Aid, and ‘virtual’ vocals from Bowie himself.

Dolby then introduced his rhythm section for the evening: Jakko Jakszyk on guitar, Matt Hector on drums and bassist Ana Pshokina, who had pre-recorded her parts and vocals to a click track at home in Ukraine after being refused entry into the UK, and was thus now appearing via the big screen.

Here’s where the evening really went downhill. Dolby revealed that he was working on a symphony which would feature his own songs mixed with elements of other ‘iconic’ 1980s hits, and had decided to preview it here.

So ‘Flying North’ inexplicably morphed into Pink Floyd’s ‘Comfortably Numb’, and ‘I Love You Goodbye’ into Talking Heads’ ‘This Must Be The Place’, complete with incorrectly played guitar motif by Jakszyk.

The guitarist was also responsible for a toe-curling rendition of ‘Little Red Corvette’, and then Dolby rehashed his ‘meeting Michael Jackson’ story yet again via seriously weird take on ‘Billie Jean’, complete with some unsettling AI dialogue.

Elsewhere there were snatches of Tears For Fears, Kate Bush, Billy Idol, Smiths and Foreigner hits. Dolby had mentioned trying to distance himself from the usual ‘Rewind 1980s nostalgia’ stuff but sadly this gig failed to achieve that.

What your reviewer really wanted to hear was Dolby’s mostly excellent songs played by a really good band. Where was guitarist Kevin Armstrong when we needed him?

When Dolby eased into U2’s ‘With Or Without You’, sad to report that your correspondent couldn’t take any more. All credit to him for going ahead with the show, but arguably the concept was always a hard sell.

Here’s hoping Thomas reforms The Lost Toy People and puts together an Aliens Ate My Buick @ 40 show for 2028, but it seems unlikely…

Protest Songs @ 40: Prefab Sprout’s Best Album?

Speedily recorded 40 years ago this autumn at Newcastle’s Lynx Studios, Protest Songs was intended to be the no-frills, lo-fi, rush-released, ‘answer’ album to Prefab’s Steve McQueen.

Fans who attended the Two Wheels Good UK tour of October and November 1985 were given leaflets advertising its release on 2 December for one week only.

But then ‘When Love Breaks Down’ reached #25 at the third attempt, earning the band spots on ‘Top Of The Pops’ and ‘Wogan’, and the album was shelved (though apparently a few hundred white labels ‘escaped’ from CBS and are out there somewhere…)

Protest Songs was eventually held back until June 1989, but proved well worth the wait and reached a respectable #18 on the UK chart. This writer would put it right up there with Steve, From Langley Park To Memphis and Jordan, maybe even above them…

The album was produced by the band and – apart from the last-minute addition ‘Life Of Surprises’ – mixed by Richard Digby Smith, once a staff engineer at Island Records who served his apprenticeship under the likes of Arif Mardin, Phil Spector, Muff Winwood and Chris Blackwell.

Protest also showed that Patrick Joseph McAloon was turning into a really decent keyboard player (he later claimed that every song on Langley Park was written on keyboards) and that – massively helped by drummer Neil Conti – Prefab were becoming a really good live band.

But most importantly Protest is a moving, razor-sharp suite of songs. Paddy was operating at the absolute top of his game, with some of the anger which had initially been so attractive to Thomas Dolby (also detectable in this recently discovered interview).

The only thing tongue-in-cheek about it is its title. These were not protests against nuclear power or war, but rather against deprivation and, just six months on from the miners’ strike, the general media condescension about provincial English life (particularly in the McAloon brothers’ native North East) under Thatcher.

‘Til The Cows Come Home’ may be the killer track. If you’re in the mood, it can be a real heartbreaker. The superb lyrics deftly change perspective mid-thought and allude to how unemployment affects generations:

Aren’t you a skinny kid?
Just like his poppa
Where’s he workin’?
He’s not workin’…

Why’re you laughin’?
You call that laughin’?
Wearing your death head grin
Even the fishes are thin…

He can’t have his coffee with cream

Meanwhile ‘Diana’ was revamped from the ‘When Love Breaks Down’ B-side (Deacon Blue definitely listened to THAT), slowed down and with a few new chords added. Conti expertly marshals proceedings with his tasty Richie Hayward-style half-time groove.

‘Dublin’ showcases Paddy’s lovely sense of chord movement, with a little influence from bossa nova (here’s Paddy playing a different studio take). ‘Life Of Surprises’ and ‘The World Awake’ are shiny, synth-laden, mid-period 4/4 Prefab but with stings in their tails:

Never say you’re bitter, Jack
Bitter makes the worst things come back

You don’t have to pretend you’re not cryin’
When it’s even in the way that you’re walkin’…

The hilarious ‘Horsechimes’ investigates school-day piss-taking, with a large dollop of Salingeresque satire. Meanwhile it’s hard to think of a more perfect marriage of words and melody than ‘Talking Scarlet’ (also drastically slowed down from the early demo), while ‘Pearly Gates’ closes out the album in moving style, like a dimly-remembered hymn from school days, a rare 1980s ‘death disc’.

The only partial misfire is the jaunty ‘Tiffany’s’, with its comically poor guitar solos, but its inclusion was totally understandable. Happy birthday to a classic.

The Best Album Titles Of The 1980s

We’ve looked at some of the worst album titles of the 1980s – now it’s time for the best.

But what made a memorable/interesting title? Certainly a few themes emerge from the list below.

Some issue instructions to the listener, some pose questions. Most feature common words uncommonly used. A pun can help. A couple are named after books. And a concept doesn’t hurt, especially if accompanied by good album artwork/design. Release the bats…

Adventures In the Land Of The Good Groove (Nile Rodgers)

What’s Bootsy Doin’? (Bootsy Collins)

No Sleep ‘Til Hammersmith (Motorhead)

Climate Of Hunter (Scott Walker)

Rum, Sodomy & The Lash (The Pogues)

Bostin’ Steve Austin (We’ve Got A Fuzzbox And We’re Gonna Use It)

From Langley Park To Memphis (Prefab Sprout)

Are You Glad To Be In America? (James Blood Ulmer)

America – Do You Remember The Love? (James Blood Ulmer)

Metal Fatigue (Allan Holdsworth)

Shockadelica (Jesse Johnson)

Back In The DHSS (Half Man Half Biscuit)

The Slide Area (Ry Cooder)

As The Veneer Of Democracy Starts To Fade (Mark Stewart)

Be Yourself Tonight (Eurythmics)

Sulk (Associates)

Love Stinks (J Geils Band)

Jazz From Hell (Frank Zappa)

Shut Up And Play Yer Guitar (Frank Zappa)

Broadway The Hard Way (Frank Zappa)

Aliens Ate My Buick (Thomas Dolby)

The Golden Age Of Wireless (Thomas Dolby)

Exit Stage Left (Rush)

Some Of My Best Jokes Are Friends (George Clinton)

R’n’B Skeletons In The Closet (George Clinton)

There Goes The Neighbourhood (Joe Walsh)

You Bought It – You Name It (Joe Walsh)

Friendly As A Hand Grenade (Tackhead)

Stop Making Sense (Talking Heads)

Non-Stop Erotic Cabaret (Soft Cell)

Frankenchrist (Dead Kennedys)

This Is What You Want…This Is What You Get (PiL)

Album (PiL)

Twang Bar King (Adrian Belew)

Big Science (Laurie Anderson)

Building The Perfect Beast (Don Henley)

Freaky Styley (Red Hot Chili Peppers)

The Pursuit Of Accidents (Level 42)

The Big Lad In The Windmill (It Bites)

Searching For The Young Soul Rebels (Dexys Midnight Runners)

The Affectionate Punch (Associates)

Empires And Dance (Simple Minds)

For How Much Longer Will We Tolerate Mass Murder (The Pop Group)

Return Of The Giant Slits (Slits)

Your Cassette Pet (Bow Wow Wow)

See Jungle! See Jungle! Go Join Your Gang Yeah, City All Over! Go Ape Crazy! (Bow Wow Wow)

Cupid & Psyche ‘85 (Scritti Politti)

My Life In The Bush Of Ghosts (David Byrne/Brian Eno)

Eat ‘Em And Smile (David Lee Roth)

Other good ‘uns? Let us know below…

10 years of movingtheriver.com & The Future

It was ten years to the day that I published my inaugural articles for movingtheriver, pieces on Prefab Sprout, Marcus Miller/Miles Davis, Peter Gabriel , Keith LeBlanc, Prince and Level 42.

The site was a few years in the planning but really only became a reality during an enforced period of reclusion via illness.

Anyone who sets up a project as a labour of love knows how quickly it becomes both a lifeline and passion. Over the past ten years, it’s also been great fun sharing stories and opinions with readers, writers, musicians and bloggers alike.

I’m not sure what the future holds for the site. Substack and YouTube beckon and WordPress has its issues (some of you may have mistakenly been sent a test post by the WP backroom bods recently…).

But the keyword is enjoyment. So hope to see you in ten years…

Book Review: Absolute Beginner by Kevin Armstrong

Most fans of 1980s pop and rock will have come across the name Kevin Armstrong, guitarist with Iggy Pop, Morrissey, Sinead O’Connor, John Lydon, Propaganda, Tin Machine, Prefab Sprout, Thomas Dolby and Paul McCartney, and famously part of David Bowie’s band at Live Aid.

His enjoyable new memoir ‘Absolute Beginner’ is that rare thing – a book by a British session player who has borne witness to massive egos, occasional artistic triumphs and typical music biz disappointments, all the while trying to get a reasonable guitar sound.

But the book is anything but a polite/completist career overview – Armstrong knows where the bodies are buried and doesn’t hold back on salacious details. He’s also blatantly honest about his own perceived musical shortcomings and mental health issues.

Finally the book comes over as something like a cross between Giles Smith’s ‘Lost In Music’ and Guy Pratt’s ‘My Bass And Other Animals’, with just as many laughs as both.

We learn about his misspent youth in the relatively salubrious environs of Orpington, Kent, nurturing his increasing interest in the guitar and music of David Bowie, Yes, Zappa and Roxy Music (and ponders whether Eno’s squealing synths caused him some hearing loss issues when watching Roxy supporting Alice Cooper). There are superb passages about the power of listening to a great album while studying the sleeve and indulging in ‘mild hallucinogens’.

The punk era sees Armstrong squatting in Brixton, hanging out with The Slits and recording with Local Heroes (on Charlie Gillett’s record label) and The Passions. There’s a whole chapter on collaborating with Thomas Dolby, lots on laying down Steve McQueen with Prefab (fronted by the ‘emotionally fragile’ and ‘shy’ Paddy McAloon) and some hilarious stories about playing in Jonathan Ross’s house band for ‘The Last Resort’.

But the real meat and drink of the book is the fabulous section on Live Aid, particularly illuminating the strange realities of the music industry when he returns alone to his tiny West London flat soon after performing for two billion people. There are also fascinating, funny stories about recording ‘Absolute Beginners’ and ‘Dancing In The Street’.

His dealings with Bowie during the Tin Machine era are also as intriguing as you might expect (as is his story about being ‘let go’ before the release of that band’s debut album, also nixing the rumour that Bowie gave up booze a long time before 1989…), as are those with the mercurial McCartney, the superstitious, over-sensitive Morrissey and bizarre O’Connor.

There are many revelations too around touring with Iggy Pop, as well as some refreshingly honest opinions on some of his bandmates (especially – and surprisingly – drummer Gavin Harrison…) and a fascinating detour into joining a choir led by Eno.

But Armstrong saves most of his bile for his late entrée into the world of TV advertising: ‘Blind optimism and over-confidence drew me inexorably into the seedy and frightening world of production music…a world so steeped in bullshit and doublethink that it beggars belief’!

‘Absolute Beginner’ is one of the most enjoyable music memoirs movingtheriver has read over the last few years. Just when you think you know where it’s going, it delivers yet another zinger. It’s an absolute must for any fans of Bowie, Iggy, Dolby or Prefab, while offering the casual 1980s and 1990s music fan loads of tasty morsels.

What Is ‘1980s Music’?

It’s a question that has been obsessing your correspondent over the last few days – which music epitomises the 1980s?

If, in 500 years, someone demanded to hear a song that represented the decade, which piece would best encapsulate it? And is ‘1980s Music’ a genre?

A website called movingtheriver.com should be able to pin down what makes a quintessentially 1980s track, but it’s not easy. So let’s begin with a process of elimination.

A lot of 1980s music was influenced by previous genres – Motown, punk, glam, psych, prog, metal, disco, jazz/funk, singer/songwriter, folk, reggae, ’70s electronica, minimalism, funk, blues. So we need tracks that jettison those tropes.

Many bands used synths in a way that was influenced by 1970s pioneers Kraftwerk, Tangerine Dream and Giorgio Moroder (Japan, OMD, Pet Shop Boys, The Art Of Noise etc.), so wouldn’t qualify as uniquely 1980s. We’re after artists that used sequencers and synths in a more ‘progressive’/melodic way, mainly to aid songwriting.

Huge 1980s acts like Wham!, ABC, Madonna, Simply Red and Culture Club obviously tapped into Motown, R’n’B and Chic-style disco/funk. Eurythmics were inspired by everything from the Stones to Kraftwerk. So they won’t do.

Tina Turner, MJ, Genesis, Peter Gabriel, Bruce, Prince and Hall & Oates all blossomed in the 1970s, while Cyndi Lauper’s songs and style had elements of that decade too, as did many Goth acts. Production styles came and went, and of course there were common tropes like the gated snare drum and synth bass, but again they don’t particularly define the decade.

The sweet spot seems to be around 1984/1985. Musicians and songwriters were leaving behind post-punk, classic soul, blues and ‘rock’ (though of course all would return with a vengeance by the end of the decade) and forging a quintessentially 1980s sound.

I’d put forward the following as completely 1980s, born and bred in that decade, with no apparent antecedents from any well-worn styles (‘bluesy’ chord progressions, ‘folky’ singing) or particular era, with the possible exceptions of Sting and Associates (and of course one could have chosen some other tracks by these artists). In short, for better or worse, it’s pretty hard to work out their influences:

18. Bros: ‘I Owe You Nothing’

17. Rick Astley: ‘Whenever You Need Somebody’

16. Go West: ‘We Close Our Eyes’

15. The System: ‘You Are In My System’

14. Dollar: ‘Videotheque’

13. Tears For Fears: ‘Shout’

12. Propaganda: ‘Duel’

11. Frankie Goes To Hollywood: ‘Two Tribes’

10. Colonel Abrams: ‘Trapped’

9. Erasure: ‘Sometimes’

8. Alison Moyet: ‘Ordinary Girl’

7. Scritti Politti : ‘All That We Are’

6. Prefab Sprout: ‘Don’t Sing’

5. The Smiths: ‘Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now’

4. Sting: ‘Fortress Around Your Heart’

3. Associates: ‘Party Fears Two’

2. Wang Chung: ‘Dance Hall Days’

1. Nik Kershaw: ‘The Riddle’

Spotify Guilt/How The LP Saved Our Lives

Reading David Hepworth’s ace book ‘A Fabulous Creation: How The LP Saved Our Lives’ brought back memories of a lifetime’s album-buying.

As he says, if you were a music fan and under 30 in the 1970s, 1980s or 1990s, you probably spent every penny of your disposable income on albums. And there were serious decisions to be made. If you were in the HMV Megastore and found a couple of US rarities but only had enough cash for one, it was a very big call. Mike Stern’s Time In Place or Lyle Mays’ Street Dreams? Better choose right, it might be a few months before you could afford another cassette.

If you were awaiting a new album, after spotting the release date in Q or the Melody Maker, it wasn’t abnormal to visit your nearest record shop twice in a few days to check if it had arrived. In my teens, I remember enduring a 30-minute bus ride (each way) to my local Our Price specifically to buy It Bites’ Eat Me In St Louis and Larry Carlton’s Last Nite.

There were definitely a lot of moody ‘High Fidelity’-style shop keepers (always men), but some were more friendly/forthcoming. In a classic discounted store in Soho, I think Sister Ray’s, I remember handing over my Prefab Sprout Protest Songs and Van Halen Women And Children First CDs and the assistant grinning and saying, ‘I thought I was the only person in the world who liked both of these albums!’

So I gave the record business a huge amount of my money in the latter half of the 1980s and 1990s. And, as we keep reading, ‘old’ music is hugely outselling ‘new’ music in 2022. Which brings us to my troubled relationship with Spotify. I’m hardly buying any new physical music at the moment. Convenient as it is, Spotify Premium is a lazy option.

I scour the music mags (these days mainly JazzTimes and Classic Pop) and always take the time to listen to every album that piques my interest. But unless it’s an absolute corker, I fillet the two or three good tracks onto a playlist, just as in the 1990s when I used to make cassette tapes of brilliant songs from less-than-brilliant albums. I’ve rounded a lot of them up on this playlist.

I’ve also recently bought a very long audio cable which connects my laptop to the big speakers in my living room, so I can listen properly to this stuff, albeit with all the attendant audio quality issues, but it still gives the illusion that I’m listening to an album ‘as the artist intended’. Balls. The artist is making close to no money from Spotify, unless the streaming numbers are in their multimillions.

So my troubled relationship with Spotify continues, especially as the cost of living rises and rises. Yes we take music where we find it and pay for ‘convenience’ but a far more conscious decision is needed to save ‘new’ stuff. And of course it would help if artists made sure every album track was a winner. Great artwork wouldn’t hurt too.

Who Writes The Songs That Make Those Old Blokes Cry: 1980s Tearjerkers

It’s all radio presenter Nick Abbot’s fault. On a recent podcast, he mentioned finding himself with a tear in the eye when listening to David Gilmour’s second guitar solo on Pink Floyd’s ‘Comfortably Numb’ in his car.

But it’s a subject almost totally ignored in print outside of scientific works: music’s effect on the body and mind. If you love it, surely it’s supposed to create a molecular change. The last few years may also have precipitated a more emotional relationship to music than usual, despite the current industry obsession with data and algorithms.

So, hide the onions and pass the sick bag: here are a few tracks from the 1980s that may have occasionally been known to put a lump in this correspondent’s throat, driven by nostalgia, musical excellence, loss of innocence and who knows what else.

21. Captain Sensible: ‘We’re Glad It’s All Over’

20. Bronski Beat: ‘Smalltown Boy’

19. Tina Turner: ‘Private Dancer’
She wants a husband and some kids but somehow the music tells you that the protagonist is never going to get out from under…

18. Johnny Gill: ‘Half Crazy’

17. Keith Jarrett: ‘Spirits 2’

16. The Kids From Fame: ‘Starmaker’

15. Peter Gabriel: ‘Lead A Normal Life’
Hard to think of a piece of music that better expresses loneliness, but there’s compassion too.

14. Christopher Cross: ‘Sailing’

13. Blondie: ‘Atomic’

12. The Pretenders: ‘Hymn To Her’

11. Art Pepper: ‘Our Song’
Gratuitous sax and violins. Recorded 18 months before his death, inspired by meeting his widow Laurie, Pepper seeks redemption for a largely selfish, itinerant life – does he find it? He tries bloody hard.

10. Jaco Pastorius: ‘John & Mary’

9. Pino Donaggio: ‘Blow Out (closing titles)’
The melody maestro’s beautiful theme from Brian De Plasma’s 1981 film starring John Travolta and the director’s then-wife Nancy Allen. A critic once said that her character’s death in the movie is the first one De Palma seems to care about – Donaggio’s music is the reason.

8. Madonna: ‘Oh Father’

7. David Bowie: ‘Absolute Beginners’
It’s the hope, not the despair. Maybe THIS time it’s all going to work out, ‘just like in the films’…

6. David Sanborn: ‘Imogene’

5. Dexter Gordon/Herbie Hancock: ‘Still Time’ 
The double meaning of Herbie’s title says it all – Dexter’s beautiful soprano playing is fragile yet also somehow ageless.

4. Prefab Sprout: ‘Moving The River’

3. Janet Jackson: ‘Livin’ In A World (They Didn’t Make)’
Just for the sheer beauty of Jam and Lewis’s composition. Janet’s words augment that.

2. Scritti Politti: ‘Oh Patti (Don’t Feel Sorry For Loverboy)’

1. The Police: ‘Driven To Tears’ (only joking – that’s enough tearjerkers… Ed.)

If you’ve got the stomach for it, chime in with your tearjerkers below.

Brett Anderson’s ‘Track Seven’ Theory: A Special movingtheriver.com Report

Brett, yesterday

All music fans love a theory.

And what with all this talk of Q’s sad demise, movingtheriver has been ruminating on the magazine’s great articles past, including an interview with Brett Anderson in which the Suede head honcho posited his theory that track seven of an album is always the best track.

This was red rag to a bull for movingtheriver. But was Brett on to something? Or does he just have some kind of weird, ritualistic interest in the number seven? In a world exclusive, we investigate some movingtheriver-approved, ‘critic-proof’ albums of the 1980s to test his theory.

In the words of Ian Dury, this is what we find…

1980: Talking Heads’ Remain In Light
Track seven: ‘Listening Wind’

1981: Human League’s Dare
Track seven: ‘I Am The Law’

1982: Roxy Music’s Avalon
Track seven: ‘Take A Chance With Me’

1983: Michael Jackson’s Thriller
Track seven: ‘Human Nature’

1984: Prince’s Purple Rain
Track seven: ‘I Would Die 4 U’

1985: Kate Bush’s Hounds Of Love
Track seven: ‘Under Ice’

1986: Paul Simon’s Graceland
Track seven: ‘Under African Skies’

1987: David Sylvian’s Secrets Of The Beehive
Track seven: ‘Mother And Child’

1988: Prefab Sprout’s From Langley Park To Memphis
Track seven: ‘Knock On Wood’

1989: The Blue Nile: Hats
Track seven: ‘Saturday Night’

So how do the track sevens stack up? It has to be said, most do seem to have something ‘Suede-like’ about them, something wistful, melancholic, or, in the case of the Talking Heads, Human League and Kate Bush tracks, positively menacing. Brett would probably approve.

But are they the ‘best’ tracks from their respective albums? No. You could possibly make a case for ‘Human Nature’ and ‘Saturday Night’* but you’d certainly be going out on a limb.

So there you have it. Obviously Mr A was talking out of his a*se. Next time: Peter Andrex’s ‘track four’ theory. B*llshit or not? YOU be the judge…

*Er… Wait. Wasn’t one of Suede’s best singles also entitled ‘Saturday Night’? Whoa, daddy…

(Other examples/alternative theories always welcome…)

Good Names/Bad Names

Are band names important?

Arguably, a good (or at least memorable) name has never been as important as now, if only to catch the eye amongst endless streaming lists.

Many excellent acts of the 1980s certainly had very bad names (Prefab Sprout?), but a lot hit the jackpot too.

So, in the spirit of much-missed WORD magazine, let’s round up the good, bad and ugly monikers of the ’80s:

Good Things with Good Names: Scritti Politti, Talking Heads, Jamaladeen Tacuma, Half Man Half Biscuit, Stump, Fields Of The Nephilim, Virgin Prunes, The Screaming Blue Messiahs, Magnus Pyke, Los Lobos, De La Soul, Arvo Part, Shut Up ‘N Play Yer Guitar, Valentin Silvestrov, Public Enemy, LL Cool J, Tone Loc, Derek B, Monie Love, Gaye Bikers On Acid, Betty Boo, They Might Be Giants, ‘The Citadel Of Chaos’, ‘The Forest Of Doom’, ‘Codename Icarus’, Feargal Sharkey, Chevy Chase, Kim Basinger, Adrian Belew, Trevor Horn, Mike Patton, We’ve Got A Fuzzbox And We’re Gonna Use It, The Slits, Tackhead, Boo Hewerdine, ‘Slave To The Rhythm’, Robbie Shakespeare, Green Gartside, Paddy McAloon, Donna Summer, Terence Trent D’Arby, Echo And The Bunnymen, 808 State, All About Eve, Killing Joke, Steve Vai, Dweezil Zappa, Ben Volpeliere-Pierrot, Skylarking, Cleo Rocos, ‘Variations On The Carlos Santana Secret Chord Progression’, Hipsway, Loose Tubes, Cocteau Twins, ‘In-A-Gadda-Stravinsky’, Desperately Seeking Fusion, Shelleyan Orphan

Good Things with Bad Names: Prefab Sprout, The The, Yngwie Malmsteen, Dire Straits, Adam Ant, Boy George, Bow Wow Wow, Talk Talk, The Thompson Twins, A Guy Called Gerald, Herb Alpert, Faith No More, Dan Aykroyd, Cosey Fanni Tutti, Throbbing Gristle, It Bites, The Bible, Frankie Goes To Hollywood, Danny Wilson, Tears For Fears, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Living Colour, 24-7 Spyz, Bucks Fizz, Wham!, The Dream Of The Blue Turtles, Anvil, A Certain Ratio, 23 Skidoo, Deacon Blue, Curiosity Killed The Cat, The Hooters, John Cougar Mellencamp, Bryan Adams, Luther Vandross, Steve Stevens, Ozric Tentacles, The Teardrop Explodes

Bad Things with Good Names: Zodiac Mindwarp And The Love Reaction, Butthole Surfers, New Model Army, Twisted Sister

Bad Things with Bad Names: Jane’s Addiction, Johnny Hates Jazz, Then Jerico, The Blow Monkeys, Cactus World News, Pee-Wee Herman, Ned’s Atomic Dustbin, Pop Will Eat Itself, Jesus Jones, Yazz And The Plastic Population, Diesel Park West, Insane Clown Posse, Milli Vanilli, Vanilla Ice, Kajagoogoo, Enuff Z’Nuff, Kenny G, Dr And The Medics, Del Amitri, Bruce Hornsby And The Range, Sigue Sigue Sputnik, Megadeth, Duran Duran, Spandau Ballet, U2, Mike And The Mechanics, Inspiral Carpets, James